Instead of People Wanting to Know U They Rather Assume Things About You

Don't Make Assumptions — The 4 Agreements

I've noticed that whenever I feel angry at someone'south words, it's ordinarily considering of my tendency to assume.

We can't help only assume things. We don't know the motives of other people, and to protect ourselves from harm, we have to connect the dots with the information given to united states.

We hate being the clueless one. We detest when we feel left out of the joke. What if yous're actually the barrel of the joke, and y'all don't even know it?

Social interactions are complicated because i facial expression can set off millions of interpretations in the other person'south head. 1 change in tone or the selection of words one person chooses to use can spark anger in the other.

What if the person that you lot think is harmless is actually making snarky remarks, looking down on you and making fun of you? What did they hateful with that annotate? What did that facial expression hateful? That comment sounded condescending. Practice they think I'g stupid? Practice they recollect they tin can just push me around?

Thoughts similar these can come into your consciousness in a second and go your blood boiling in the side by side. The next thing you know, your mood has shifted and begin to analyze the other person sharply, criticizing their next moves more harshly and looking for revenge. Soon the night is over and the other person would exit, unaware of the fact that yous are harboring such negative feelings over a seemingly harmless comment.

Fifty-fifty if the other person meant no harm, it is too late. The thought is ingrained into your caput and, because of your pride and fear of looking overly sensitive, yous never ask for clarification.

We crave justice for our hurt egos. We imagine scenarios where nosotros put our offenders in their place, where we were not looked down upon, where we were able to stand up for ourselves and teach the other person you were not someone to mess with.

We protect our egos by imagining situations that are toxic to us. We take physiological responses when nosotros imagine these situations. I've had moments where I imagined myself fighting or wrestling the people who've wronged me and come out on top.

I remember feeling my blood boiling, my jaws clenching and my muscles flexing, even when this was all happening in my head. I gained a feeling of dominance autonomously from reality, and learned to alive there and indulge in these thoughts that made me feel powerful. Whatever I did not take the courage to practice in existent life, I fulfilled in my thoughts. I made sure no i was able to cross or disrespect me in the world I had created for myself.

I find that in many situations, I've jumped to conclusions without clarifying what the other person meant or intended to say. I've faced countless misunderstandings because of my inability to ask for clarification instead of assuming intent.

Assuming makes an ASS out of U and ME.

I've been reading a volume called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, and an entire chapter was dedicated to bring awareness to our tendencies to make assumptions. The chapter is called "Don't Make Assumptions".

Information technology has helped me exist mindful of the moments where I feel myself getting aroused or feeling injure by a annotate that someone fabricated toward me. Information technology has helped me become self aware of how many assumptions I brand everyday, and how to forbid it whenever I grab them.

Aforementioned as always, I will be pulling excerpts from the book and commenting on the parts that resonate with me. I hope they will assistance you every bit well — in controlling your thoughts from running wild and allowing yourself to be mindful of the times when you jump to conclusions.

"We accept the tendency to make assumptions about everything. The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We could swear they are real. Nosotros brand assumptions about what others are doing or thinking — we have it personally — and so we arraign them and react by sending emotional poisonous substance with our give-and-take. That is why whenever we make assumptions, nosotros're request for problems. Nosotros make an assumption, we misunderstand, we take information technology personally, and we end upwardly creating a whole large drama for nada."

"Because we are afraid to enquire for description, we make assumptions; then we defend our assumptions and attempt to make someone else wrong. It is always better to ask questions than to brand an assumption, considering assumptions set us up for suffering."

A lot of the times, we have trouble admitting that we are wrong. We have problem admitting that nosotros assumed and we misunderstood certain things. We think whatever interpretation we got is the objective truth, and nosotros stick with it, even when the other person clarifies and tells u.s. what they were actually trying to say.

At this betoken, it'south a game of pride. Y'all tin can't afford to dorsum downwardly, because and so you have to admit that you were wrong and the other person was right. That makes y'all experience a bit stupid and you detest feeling stupid.

You lot build higher and thicker walls around your assumption, and double down on your perception of reality until it becomes reality. The other person has go incorrect and y'all were always correct from the kickoff. What if y'all trust them and they simply betray you lot? It's better to non trust than to risk getting hurt.

By and large, the other person probably wasn't actively trying to hurt your feelings or humiliate you… merely you as well don't know that for sure, correct? The i picayune seed of dubiousness is all it takes. They COULD take meant that. They COULD have had malicious intent. Downwards you lot get into the rabbit hole.

When you feel injure or angry about a annotate that another person said to yous, you should ask for clarification. You should be straight, and ask for an explanation. You might await ambitious, but it is to clear your conscience of doubt and prevent misunderstandings.

Another mistake we make is to brand assumptions in our relationships. Nosotros expect the people closest to u.s. to read our minds, know our tendencies and understand us completely. This leads to many misconceptions and fights that could have been avoided if we avoided making assumptions.

"Making assumptions in our relationships is really asking for problems. Often we make the supposition that our partners know what we call back and that nosotros don't have to say what we want. We assume they are going to practise what we want, considering they know us and so well. If they don't practise what we assume they should practise, we feel so hurt and say, "Y'all should have known."

"These assumptions are made and then fast and unconsciously most of the time considering we accept agreements to communicate this style. Nosotros have agreed that is is not safe to ask questions; we have agreed that if people love us, they should know what we want or how we experience. When we believe something, nosotros assume nosotros are correct about it to the betoken that we volition destroy relationships in club to defend our position.

We have learned a bad habit of thinking that request too many questions means you're dumb or slow. We'd rather close upwardly, assume and look like we understand rather than actually understanding.

Asking questions make things a little more clear and reduces the likelihood of misunderstandings appearing in the future. Request questions is like a beam of light in a dark cave — it gives you a sense of direction and leads you out of the darkness. Asking questions helps everyone get on the same page, because we are all living off assumptions.

We also make assumptions because we are insecure and as well cocky-centered. Nosotros are hard on ourselves and believe that anybody else sees yous as you see yourself. We believe we have to put on a mask and put forward the version of ourselves that people might want or expect to run across from us, instead of unapologetically existence ourselves.

"Nosotros make the supposition that everyone sees life the way we practice. Nosotros assume that others recollect the mode nosotros think, feel the way we feel, estimate the style we judge, and corruption the way nosotros corruption. This is the biggest supposition that humans make. And this is why we have a fear of beingness ourselves around others. Because we recollect anybody else will judge u.s., victimize us, abuse us, and blame u.s. every bit we do ourselves. So fifty-fifty before others have a run a risk to turn down us, nosotros have already rejected ourselves."

Y'all are your own worst critic. You were at that place for every failure yous went through, every moment y'all were weak, every moment you lot were cowardly, every moment you made a fool of yourself. You know what hurts yous nigh. You know how deeply flawed you are as an private. You know you are lying to yourself and others on a daily ground.

Knowing all this, how hard is it Non to guess and criticize yourself?

Simply we all demand to practice a little more pity for ourselves and for others. Nosotros're all suffering through life in i manner or another. We're all going through different things and put on brave faces every morning, even when nosotros feel like life is not worth living.

We're doing our best, with what we're given. We can't be perfect, and life sure isn't easy on most of u.s., but hey — at least nosotros're trying.

If you love yourself and forgive yourself, yous will find the ability to love others and forgive others. It starts from within. See life as teamwork. We're all struggling to become by, and a helping manus goes a long way.

Don't live your life thinking everyone is out to become you. Don't live your life thinking everyone is looking down on you, criticizing you, judging you lot, hating you and plotting against you. And about importantly, don't live your life persecuting yourself for being y'all.

Yous are deserving of honey, then is the next person. Y'all are valuable fifty-fifty with all your imperfections, and so is the side by side person. Y'all are deserving of forgiveness, and then is the side by side person.

If everyone stopped assuming that anybody thought the worst about them, perchance we'd all be encouraged to prove our real selves without shame or fearfulness of judgment.

If nosotros encouraged anybody to get the best they could be, maybe we could spend more time on finding solutions to movement humanity forward instead of creating needless problems and drama for ourselves.

Tell me — Wouldn't you want to live in such a earth?

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Source: https://mystudentvoices.com/dont-make-assumptions-and-don-t-take-things-personally-the-four-agreements-ad2a0ad720f4

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